


Storms

by theshizniiit



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, hurt!Bones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:59:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2683574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshizniiit/pseuds/theshizniiit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy is no stranger to falling apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storms

Leonard hasn't slept in four days.

It usually takes longer for him to notice--but it isn't until he gets up from his seat to shuffle to his next lecture--that his vision swims and he sways dangerously on his feet, stumbling back and trying not to topple over. It occurs to him that he hasn't eaten in a while either. 

It's dangerous, he knows it is, but he can't bring himself to do it. He's here to work, not to eat and sleep and be just as useless as he's always been. He's not here to fail like he did at his marriage and at being a father or a husband. He can't fail again, and he knows that he's being ridiculous, but taking any breaks or going to the cafeteria or falling into bed feels distinctly like failure, like slacking off.

Leonard McCoy doesn't slack off.

So he steadies himself and just barely stops his eyes from rolling to the back of his skull, he pushes down the dizziness and the hunger and the exhaustion and picks up his PADD, heading to his next lecture on andorian anatomy. His skin itches, like it's too tight for him and he feels a scream building just below his chin, a breakdown is coming soon, he can feel it. He dreads it.

He doesn't catch the concerned stare from Jim Kirk from a few seats away.

~~

He's felt like this ever since he was a child. 

The feeling of panic, anger and intense, blinding sadness rushing toward him all at once for a single moment. The blackouts, the screaming and the tears are nothing new to him. The fact that after the explosion of emotion, after he had lashed out or screamed himself hoarse of injured himself, the inevitable low would pull him under and he would stay in bed for days, not moving, not eating, barely breathing until he was able to hoard a small ball of energy in his stomach and rise again to pretend to be as functional as everyone else for a few days. Weeks even, if he was lucky.

Other times, it's like his body couldn't stop moving.

He itched and his skin tightened and he had to _move_.

That scared him the most. The feeling of being out of control and at the will of a body that wouldn't let him settle down, his mind moving a million miles an hour, reciting medical procedures and all the bones of the human body over and over and over again until his brain wore itself out and untangled, leaving him tired and damn near unresponsive.

He takes shift after shift, he doesn't bother to stop and while the other Starfleet Academy Hospital staff look at him funny because he's been there for 5 days straight and hasn't left or even sat down, he doesn't have enough friends for anyone to inquire as to why he's not slowing down. No one cares.

People just look at him with that judging stare that he acts like he doesn't see, brand him a psycho or a workaholic, and let him be.

It occurs to him that maybe he should try to talk to some people, maybe try to forge some relationships, but that's tiring and people are difficult and he's too sullen or prickly to get along with. Why would anyone want to talk to him anyway? For all Leonard himself knows, he might _actually_ be insane. The only person he even tries to talk to is Jim, and that's because the kid won't leave him alone and refuses to give up and let Leonard wander through the next four years alone.

His stomach grumbles, and he ignores it in favor of sticking another whiny ensign with an anti-influenza hypo.

~~

All he has is his job.

He's lost everything else, and he doesn't care for friends or love anymore, he barely can stomach talking to Jim most days, but he has his practice and he's good at it.

He knows he sucks at everything else--no one needs to tell him that--but he's a good doctor.

McCoy knows exactly what he's doing to himself when he doesn't eat or sleep. He knows one day, one glorious day, he'll shut down and his organs will fail. His starfleet issued cadet reds don't fit like they used to, and he knows he shakes due to malnutrition now, but he can't bring himself to do anything about it. Why should he? What would be the point?

So he lets his body continue to waste away and his mind runs itself to dust.

He avoids Jim as often as he possibly can.

~~

"Bones."

Leonard looks up from his PADD, his hands shaking slightly, but they do that so often he doesn't even notice anymore and he eyes the blond in front of him. He's in his dorm, and he's stopped wondering how Jim manages to bypass the security system to get inside. Leonard can't recall hearing Jim enter, or if he's even spoken before now. The doctor isn't exactly surprised, he's been having trouble keeping focused lately. He barely notices what goes on around him anymore.

"What, kid?" Leonard grumbles, annoyance bubbling up in his throat. _He's busy, dammit-_

"Are you okay?" Jim asks, shuffling his feet and fidgeting in front of him. Leonard looks up and takes in the bruise on Jim's anxious looking face, _'Probably from a bar fight the idiot got into._ ' Leonard thinks before he rolls his eyes.

"Shut up, Jim." he huffs before he drags the blond into the seat across from him and starts running a dermal re-generator over his cheek. He watches the skin heal and go from the angry purple of a bruise to the light pink of skin cells knitting themselves back together.

"So how did this happen?" Leonard asks, glaring at the blond.

"Just a fight, Bones. Nothing serious." Jim mumbles.

"Nothin' serious, my ass." Leonard grumbles, "Quit gettin' yourself beat up. Gotta take care of yourself."

"I could say the same to you." Jim says seriously, grabbing the doctor's hand and removing it from his face, the generator beeping, "What's going on with you, Bones?" the blond asks, voice going soft. He feels his thumb and index finger close around the doctors wrist and meet, Jim's fingers overlapping. _Too thin,_ Jim thinks frantically.

"Nothin'." Leonard growls, yanking his wrist out of Jim's grip.

"Right," Jim says, eyes narrowing, "Nothing. That's why you look like you're on the edge of death."

"I'm fine."

Jim laughs bitterly, his pink, damaged cheek a sharp contrast from his pale skin, the blood vessels swelling and turning dark red as he becomes more agitated, "Right, you're fine. You-" he says, gesturing to McCoy, "look totally fine."

Leonard glares at him before he hisses, "You're kind of a mess too, Jim. I don't have time for this," he snaps, "I have a test tomorrow, and you're wasting my time. So I think it's time you left."

"Bones-"

"Goodbye, Jim." Leonard says, walking over to the door and holding it open. Jim gets up and approaches him, his eyes soft, "Well, I'm here when you need me."

"Right." Leonard says, his tone slightly disbelieving as he watches Jim walk through the door with one last look. The blond stops and turns to look him in the eye, and something in Bones' stomach flutters.

"I'm here when you need me." he says again, his voice low and sincere.

~~

Three days later, when the mania passes and Leonard crashes and collapses on his way to his shift at the hospital, Jim is there.

When he wakes up in Starfleet hospital, Jim is there too, holding his hand and soothing him even when he jolts awake and bites at his lips to stop the scream building in his throat.

Jim holds his hands and whispers, "I'm here whenever you need me."

**Author's Note:**

> I think I love hurt!Bones a lil too much...


End file.
